ITS NOT ME..i think.

my whole life, people really havent been that nice. unless you count my mother. and the people who i NOW (the ones who werent douchebags) call my close buddies.
i always thought well: "you're just annoying, which makes it really hard for people to act kind towards you." im slowly, SLOWLY BUT SURELY, learning how wrong i was about that. its not me-exactly, people are just.. emotionally stunted assholes. no, thats seriously it. i mean, granted there is more to it i suppose.. which means i just kind of contradicted myself..but still. maybe annoying wasnt the right word, more like..off-putting?overly.."intense"<-9_9 idk. either/or.
theres is this daily sometimes only weekly occurance where- only when im NOT trying, ill feel things or see things that are going to happen in a way. it runs in my family. on my irish side. it only started with dreams. but now its vibes, sometimes dreams. like an hunch. sometimes i feel like i just know. and then it turns out that i kinda do. in a way. usually when people have to tell me something they dont want to tell me- i stop them and im like: "dude-i kinda already felt this happening before you said anything"
sometimes when my mother or someone close to me is having a horrible day, i call or try to get a hold of them one way or the other and ask them if they are okay. usually, they tell me: "no."
or if i walk by a house or building and it gives me nausea and/or chills-i feel like something fucked up when down there. certain people throw me off also, physically speaking. i know what you're thinking(NOT know know, but you get what i mean): "this is just called INSTINCT-everybody has that." and i agree. but, also i acknowledge that there are certain days or images i see that cannot be described by simply 'instinct' given the details and circumstances' of the situation.
TRA LA LA LA LAAA IM GOING NOW-I DONT KNOW WHY I PUT A HEART DIAGRAM UP I THINK ITS BECAUSE I USED TO DRAW HUMAN HEARTS A LOT WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER..GAY.